I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
