i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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