just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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