Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize