when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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