so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
