He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
