What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
