Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
