I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
