Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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