Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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