what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
