Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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