Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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