No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
