He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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