I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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