weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
