i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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