So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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