Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
