Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
