If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
