At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
