I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
