I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
