would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
