Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
