am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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