apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
