I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
