I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
