There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
