The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
