I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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