saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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