I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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