At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
