Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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