Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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