Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
