I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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