Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i out mim tonsoeep
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