Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I touched a dick in church today
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
