please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
