wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
