Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
