Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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