so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
