You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
