every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
