I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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