So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
