I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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