I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
even my farts smell like vagina
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
