There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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