my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
