So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
