she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
