im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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