I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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