his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize