I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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