Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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