She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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