I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Who did Billy Mays play for?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Even my vagina gasped.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just puked most of my soul out..
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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