why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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