i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
