Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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