I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
