We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
