Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
