You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
