UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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