i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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