they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
