im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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