he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
